The thing I couldn't shake for a long time was the seriousness of my whole situation and how it related to my relationship with God. I knew what my weaknesses were and I was overwhelmed with how God could work those out of my life. I had a hard time finding the joy in my trial. I found my mind would not focus which meant I couldn't read or watch anything. Nothing was amusing to me. I would just sit and stare out the window for hours in somber thought. I'm sure I was in shock and it took awhile for me to come out of it.
Gary and I talked about death some. We knew my case was serious, just not how serious. One night I went to bed asking God if I was going to live or die. His answer came immediately, "Does it matter?" Surprised, I realized it really didn't matter if I knew. I sould live my life in the same way whether it was short or long. That was a turning point for me. I decided to be positive and trust God with whatever happened and I finally found peace in my heart.
The trial started to take on a new meaning for me;
1) I am in the middle of a spiritual warfare. Gary and I had written a book a few years ago refuting some popular attacks on the Sabbath. People all over the world have found our book helpful and have turned aside from this error. Just before I was struck down, I had an order for 200 more books that I sent out. Only a few weeks later someone shared with me that they had given a book to a family that had left the church for this error. They read the book and now are going back to church on Sabbath. I was so overjoyed. I know Satan is trying hard to keep this truth from reaching people and he is not happy that it is making a difference in lives.
2) I gave God permission to work in my life. My prayer was "Lord, please do whatever it takes to save my family for Your kingdom." It is a prayer of surrender allowing God to do anything to polish the roughness from my heart and my family. It is a scary prayer because whenever I have prayed it (maybe 3-4 times in my life) disaster seems to strike. This is when God's promises are treasured more than any other time. He promises never to leave us or forsake us. I live on the promises because His word has power.
3) Trials turn our affections from the world. I found this quote quite encouraging. "In every affliction God has a purpose to work out for our good. Every blow that destroys an idol, every providence that weakens our hold upon earth and fastens our affections more firmly upon God, is a blessing." ML 93
Polishing can hurt, but it proves that God thinks the roughness of my heart is worthy to be made into beautiful gem. He also promises to be right there with me. "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.'" Isaiah 41:13 I have decided that there nothing on this world more important to me then living eternally with Jesus my Savior. This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through.
Sadly, I missed a lot of the Christmas festivities and spirit. On the Sabbath that our church's youth put on a concert I was disappointed to miss it for all my family was in it. However, after church more than thirty people squeezed themselves into our home and presented a mini concert of my own. It was such a blessing that so many cared to come cheer me up.
Christmas came quickly and Emily was right on top of it. She bought all the presents and wrapped them, as well as prepared the Christmas meal. The holiday ended up turning out nice and I was happy to have my whole family with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment